You ROCK, mommy!

I am reveling in the fact that my son actually thinks I am cool...for now. I know that very soon I will be old, uncool, out of style, boring, dorky...you get the gist. So when Coulby looked at me the other day and said, "Guess what. You ROCK, mommy!," it made me stop in my tracks to say, with as much surprise as gratitude, "Thanks, Coulby!" Coulby's exclamation surprised me because I did not know he even knew that expression, and rendered me speechless because no one has thought of me that way in F-O-R-E-V-E-R. Those days of being cool seemed to be long gone. And now my son thinks I rock! I will take it while I can.

The ironic part about it all is that I think Coulby rocks! He is such an awesome kid, and I am not just saying that because he is my son. He just rocks. Coulby has endured more, experienced more, suffered more, and overcome more than most kids his age. And he has done it all with grace. And a little bit of attitude. I give him that because, well, he has earned it.

Coulby started kindergarten in August, and as much as I hated seeing him get on the bus to ride into the deep blue germ-infested yonder, I knew he needed that. My stomach got tied up in knots knowing that he would be in school all day this school year, and therefore exposed to a full day's worth of germs instead of only a pre-k 2.5 hours' worth. But Coulby loves school. I mean absolutely loves it! I knew my fears of germs and illness could not, no, would not, get in the way of Coulby's natural progression to the next step in his education. So off he went.

No one knows what it is like to have thoughts of kids coughing without covering their mouths, or sneezing into the open air, or wiping snotty noses with their hands and then touching everything around them, swirling through the brain. Thoughts of colds and flu, especially the hyped-up H1N1 virus. That is what I think about all the time. Protecting Coulby from all of that. Ways that I can teach him to stay clean and healthy. Ways that I can teach him to avoid everyone who appears to be ill. But how can I do that? I mean without putting the poor kid in a bubble?

Despite all of my best efforts to keep germs at bay, Coulby brought home a nasty cold several weeks in to school. He made it through that like a champ. Then on Thursday morning he woke up warm to the touch. His temperature was 101.2 and he complained of a stomach ache. When I told Coulby that he had to stay home from school that day, while masking my worry that kicks in whenever Coulby gets sick, he retracted his complaints of a stomach ache and said he was fine. He actually started crying because I would not let him go to school. That is how much he loves it! (We shall see if that lasts into the next several years when he is bringing home school work and studying for tests.) Coulby seemed to look a little more tired than usual, with puffy red rings under his eyes, but other than that, I would not have known he was sick. He was playing, talking, running around, and still had an appetite. Then I got a call. One of the kids in his class was confirmed to have H1N1. My stomach was suddenly full of butterflies.

My body went into overdrive after that phone call. Calls to the geneticist, calls to the dietitian, Internet searches on symptoms of swine flu...anything that I thought would help us get through this illness at home. And we did! Coulby had a fever for days that only broke yesterday evening, and has maintained his normal energy level during the whole thing. This has been another obstacle overcome, at home, by my brave boy.

And to this I say, "You ROCK, Coulby!"

There is no such thing as easy...

...not in my world. My OCD-laden world. When did things get so complicated? How has planning a 3rd birthday party for my little diva grown so wildly out of control that there is no hope of reigning it in?

My mind works in mysterious ways. I get something in it and ba-da-bing there it is and there it stays. The idea grows and takes on a life of its own until it consumes my every thought and dream. I have to see it through before I can rest easy. And that, my friends, is how I have gotten into planning the party of the century for my baby girl (who is becoming less and less of a baby each and every day...sigh; sniffle).

Caroline is turning 3! 3. Have 3 years really whizzed by already? Whew! Where have I been? I always have such a good time planning for a party. I love to entertain (although being an exceptional hostess is not my strong point) and I LOVE attention to the smallest of details. I think it is the little touches that make a party a failure or a success. If you go all out for a party but chintz out on the cake, for example, people remember how much the cake stunk, not how awesome the party was. If you serve a meal fit for a king but serve it with paper plates and plastic ware, no one remembers how divine the food tasted. So I think you have to decide to go one way or the other. You cannot have both.

I started thinking about what I was going to do to ring in Caroline's 3rd year of life months ago, although no light bulbs came on until about a week ago. Passing thoughts of Caroline's upcoming birthday would come and go and then BAM! I got it! The idea that I have obsessed over since it came to me. I love gardening. Caroline loves to be outside; to play in the dirt, plant, find bugs. Why not combine our interests and have a garden party? Something girly for her that would include a focus on my most prized flowerbeds and gardens. Yeah, what a fantastic idea, if I do say so myself.

Ideas started small, but the more I thought about things and researched on-line garden party ideas, the more elaborate they became. Then my mom, another artistic mind, started giving me ideas that appealed to me. Before I knew it I had a list about a mile long of ideas and things that I would need to pull them off.

So what is the big deal? This always happens. I jump in with both feet and submerge myself. EVERY. TIME. Then I get overwhelmed until I feel a full-blown panic attack coming on. And I say I will scale down the next time. But I cannot help myself. I think I am just one of those people who loves to do it all, who wants to do it all, who complains about doing it all, and then does it all again! The end result is usually as close to my imagination's expectations as possible and I am always glad that I put forth just a little more effort.

So I have been spending each day doing something to plan and execute this garden party that I can visualize in my mind, and I only hope i can pull it off. I know my hubby is thinking I am insane, and my mom thinks I need to get a life, but believe it or not, I am excited about it. I only pray that we will have a good turn-out. That there will be plenty of guests able to enjoy the fruits of my labor; the creation of an idea that grew into an obsession.

There's no manual?

Okay God, I need some reassurance that I am doing this right. Because I often feel like I am failing miserably. Where are the instructions? How do I do this whole parenting thing?


I want to raise my kids to grow into respectable adults with good morals and a solid sense of self. To be comfortable with who they are. To accept their weaknesses and accentuate their strengths. Probably all of the same hopes that every parent has for their children. But I wonder if I am doing everything that I can to do help them move toward these hopes for their future. What if all of the mistakes that I am making far outweigh the things I do right? What kind of a man and woman would my children become then?

I think it is human nature to question our parenting "skills," if you want to call them that. I cringe when I think of all of the times I have lost my temper or not paid enough attention, or let my children down. All of these failures come flooding back to me when I feel scrutinized by others. Most of the time when I go out and about with the kids, they are pretty well behaved. I mean, there is always the usual whining for something that catches their eye, or the "I've had enough" antsiness (is that a word??) when I have lingered too long. But for the most part I do not have the kids that are running rampant through the store, picking up everything they see, throwing tantrums when they do not get what they want...you know the kind I am talking about. We have all experienced that.

But the other day as I was shopping for a birthday present, I had the kids with me and they were starting to get bored. I knew I only had a limited amount of shopping time and it was almost up. (I should really set a timer next time.) We went down an aisle where there were a bunch of feather boas hanging and the kids zeroed right in on them. What fun! I let them each pick a color and wrapped them around their necks. Coulby was adorned in blue feathers and Caroline in pink. They were so proud of themselves and I thought it was adorable. They were giggling with each other and happily showing their boas off to an invisible audience as they walked to the aisle right across from me. I had them in plain view, only a few steps away. I was admiring their delight at something so simple when an employee, who apparently did not find it so endearing, walked right up to them and asked them for their boas. Immediately defensive, I walked--more like marched--over and held my hand out to take the confiscated boas from the woman. She gave me this stern tsk-tsk look as she stiffly handed me the boas. I was so taken by her obvious disapproval of my children's shrieks of delight and fashion show, and my mind quickly transitioned into the mommy overdrive that is ferociously protective of her kids. I wanted to say something and my mouth would not form the words. Nothing came out. I used my face instead to send her my message. Literally the epitome of "if looks could kill." I knew my words would not have conveyed my emotions nearly as well. I hung the boas up again, knowing that if I had bought them as planned I would always be reminded of the woman's contempt. Silly, I know, but I just could not bring myself to buy them after that.

When my blood had stopped boiling, I felt the tears stinging behind my eyes. I let that woman get to me; make me doubt my parenting. I do not know why, because not a moment before I had stood my ground with confidence. When I really thought about it later, I think my ego was bruised. Because someone disapproved of what I was allowing my children to do. We all have an ego, and I try not to let mine get in my way, but like I said before, we all question our parenting. It takes just one scrutiny to allow that uncertainty to bubble to the surface, and in that moment, our defenses are down and we are vulnerable. Our ego is vulnerable.

I shrugged this off as another learning experience. It was a reminder that we all do things differently, and some people are more prone to judging than others. The woman in the store was not right. She was not wrong. She was looking at things through her own eyes. And how she sees the world, and the world of parenting, is obviously not going to be the same way that I see things. Since Coulby was born, I have looked at a lot of things differently. I see the blessings in my life, and feel grateful for the smallest of accomplishments my children make. I know that each of thier days, and mine, could have been so different. And I allow my kids to experience all they can because they can. Even if it is just the simplest of things, like feeling feathers tickle their necks as they strut around wearing boas. How grand!

Road Trip: No Boys Allowed!

My ideal environment for writing is one of peace and quiet, but that seems to be a rare commodity anymore. With only two kids, you would think they could not generate that much noise. Oh but they do! My daily life is lived amongst shrill screeches and sibling fighting and very loud boy noises. I am a quiet person by nature, but I have been forced into this chaos, and I honestly think I have mastered the skills to tune out all of the background noise in order to preserve my sanity! Today is no exception. I am filtering out the above mentioned as I write. And now on to the inspiration for today's post...

I have never really thought about the fact that I got 2.5 solid years of one-on-one time with Coulby, and none with Caroline. Coulby had the advantage of being an only child for a while and had all eyes on him. So when I had the opportunity to do something with my daughter, just the two of us, I jumped on it. Well, it involved my hubby taking some time off from work to make it happen (thanks, honey!), and some babysitting arrangements with my dad (thanks, dad!), but everything worked out.

For years my grandmother has talked about having a family reunion for her entire side of the family, including those distant, distant relatives that are related somewhere along the line. She and my aunt finally made this dream come true when they helped organize a reunion in Nashville, Tennessee. I really wanted to go so that I could see family that I have not seen in years, but also because it was a chance for Caroline and I to have some real quality time together. Some girl time. So our road trip was planned. My mom and aunt and I would be traveling with Caroline on a 10+ hour drive. A girl's road trip...no boys allowed!

I am not sure what I expected from Nashville, but what I saw was not what I anticipated. It was beautiful countryside, a nice clean city, and the nicest people you could ever meet. Everyone was friendly. I really loved it! And Caroline was a perfect angel, enjoying every second of her girl's time and all of the attention she got wherever we went. My favorite part of each day was lying down beside her in the bed and watching her fall asleep.

We crammed so many fun things in to the time we had in Nashville. We had a nice dinner with family, a great day of shopping in Nashville's huge mall, a tour of the Gibson guitar warehouse (thanks to my uncle and his connections), a bus tour of downtown Nashville (including The Hermitage; president Andrew Jackson's house), an evening at the Grand Ole Opry, and a tour of the Country Music Hall of Fame. Nothing beat the time we got to spend with family.

I hope that I will get the chance to do something like this with Caroline again in the future, but I am just happy that I got to experience Nashville with her. And I have TONS of photos to prove it! I would like to plan a Christmas in Nashville at the Opry Hotel (which is exquisite and breathtaking), but that is a goal for the future. I think Coulby would really love it! And while I did not buy much in Nashville, I did take home some kick butt cowboy boots! How could I leave the heart of country music without a pair?

A quiet Independence Day...

Independence Day is always one of my favorite holidays to celebrate. Because it is the ultimate American holiday and a great reason to party with friends and family. We have a tradition around here to serve ribs on the 4th of July, and this year was no exception. Richard's famous ribs are much anticipated and never disappoint. There were lots of sides to make your mouth water: homemade potato salad, pasta and green bean salad with fresh herbs, homemade rolls that mom has perfected and could sell worldwide, cole slaw...hungry yet? We had quite the holiday feast! And I got to put the flowers from my gardens to good use by creating a beautiful bouquet of wildflowers, topped off with an American flag.

While we did not have a fireworks show of our own, we watched other's shows from our front porch, and I captured a few decent (but not great) shots. Fireworks: the classic ode to freedom. The loud booms and bangs that result in beautiful colors in the sky and never fail to produce oohs and aahs from onlookers. I do not know how many times I have seen fireworks in my lifetime, and I never tire of them. What is the fascination? The kids enjoyed them this year, too. Coulby used to be terrified of fireworks! Even last year he was watching them from behind the safety of the windows. A year changes lots of things, and I guess he is a little bit taller, a little bit older, and a little bit braver!

The kids were so excited about "lots of people" coming over on the 4th, but we really had a quiet holiday. I guess because the 4th fell on a Saturday this year, many people planned their own celebrations. We had mostly family and a few friends come over, and it was actually nice to spend the day together without a huge crowd. We did miss our friends the Mooney's though. They were supposed to be here, but Corrigan ended up being hospitalized as a result of metabolic-related issues, and therefore did not make it. That was the only damper on our holiday. Poor little C was on my mind most of that evening. Maybe next year! He is doing much better now, but keep him and his family in your prayers!

As you can see, Coulby had a blast on the 4th and was so happy to wear his motorcycle shirt. My mother-in-law gave that to him so he had something with red, white and blue to wear, and he absolutely LOVES it because of the motorcycle. All boy for sure. Caroline got to wear cute pom pom hair ties in her pigtails...Gymboree has the cutest little hair things for girls!

I hope you all had a as great a 4th as we did, filled with lots of good food and company! Did anyone get some photos of fireworks? I would love to see them!